Starting out each day I am filled with resolve to, "Get it right" this time. I begin the day with stretching and exercise, water and a healthy breakfast, but somewhere in the middle, I give in. My cravings for food consume me and I am helpless to fight. In the end, I succumb.
It starts out harmless
enough. I believe that anything in moderation is okay. So, I give into the
craving, thinking that a just a little will fend it off and I can get back to
the healthier choices, but giving in only creates more of the same craving
headaches and I have lost the battle again.
Before I know it I am
engaged in an all-out war with myself. My attempts to stay on track are
diminished and I'm left at the end of the day with a long list in my food
journal. How did I get here and how can I get back to where I was?
This is when I began to
have a revelation! Food is controlling me and I am powerless!
For a decade now I have
been under the authority of my cravings. I have been completely powerless and
continually defeated when it comes to controlling my diet. If only I could
wrangle in my destructive behavior and stop the endless battle—I would be set. Over
the last weeks I have identified my triggers, my habits, my weaknesses and my
resolve, but achieving my weight loss goals has been difficult!
Now I'm admitting in
greater detail that I have a problem and that I am powerless over food!
My thinking is evolving
and I am gaining new ground every day, but still, it isn't enough. During
this weight loss process I have begun a step style journey of my own. First, I
began by talking openly about my eating disorder (ED), then I started to
formulate a basic plan, next I reached out for help through friends, family and
the on-line community and now, I have realized my powerlessness.
These are the steps I've
developed so far:
1. Reflect inward and
realize that an eating disorder (ED) exists.
2. Begin to have positive
self talk designed to create a plan map.
3. Reach out in places
you know are safe and begin an open conversation.
4. Admit to yourself and
a close support member that you are ineffective in controlling and managing
your diet in healthy and productive ways.
5. Be open to obtaining
spiritual guidance from your personal Savior and seek instruction
beyond yourself.
While I believe there are
some things from the standard 12 step program that could be applied to an
eating disorder; I am certain that a dietary program that relies on steps will
need revamping in order to truly work.
It is time to become
fearless and transparent. I must dig deep into the reasons and circumstances
that got me where I am currently. I believe that reaching back into my past and
putting together a clearer map of how I got where I am today will bring insight
and release from the chains that bind me to my unhealthy eating.
In every life situation
there are defining moments that change us and our way of doing things.
There are paths known and
unknown that got me here and those things must be discovered and addressed
before real change can occur. With this in mind I turn to the next logical
step:
6. Begin uncovering past
observations and choices that led to the eating habits you have today and write
them down.
As with anything I’ve
done in this life, there’s always been some kind of order or instructions that
were used to get me where I am today. These paths must be sought out in order
to find answers and gain resolution going forward.
Developing a strategy is
imperative and necessary & I hope that these steps will be helpful in
assisting in your weight loss plan. I know they are helping me so far.
