Starting out each day I am filled with resolve to, "Get it right" this time. I begin the day with stretching and exercise, water and a healthy breakfast, but somewhere in the middle, I give in. My cravings for food consume me and I am helpless to fight. In the end, I succumb.
It starts out harmless enough. I believe that anything in moderation is okay. So, I give into the craving, thinking that a just a little will fend it off and I can get back to the healthier choices, but giving in only creates more of the same craving headaches and I have lost the battle again.
Before I know it I am engaged in an all-out war with myself. My attempts to stay on track are diminished and I'm left at the end of the day with a long list in my food journal. How did I get here and how can I get back to where I was?
This is when I began to have a revelation! Food is controlling me and I am powerless!
For a decade now I have been under the authority of my cravings. I have been completely powerless and continually defeated when it comes to controlling my diet. If only I could wrangle in my destructive behavior and stop the endless battle—I would be set. Over the last weeks I have identified my triggers, my habits, my weaknesses and my resolve, but achieving my weight loss goals has been difficult!
Now I'm admitting in greater detail that I have a problem and that I am powerless over food!
My thinking is evolving and I am gaining new ground every day, but still, it isn't enough. During this weight loss process I have begun a step style journey of my own. First, I began by talking openly about my eating disorder (ED), then I started to formulate a basic plan, next I reached out for help through friends, family and the on-line community and now, I have realized my powerlessness.
These are the steps I've developed so far:
1. Reflect inward and realize that an eating disorder (ED) exists.
2. Begin to have positive self talk designed to create a plan map.
3. Reach out in places you know are safe and begin an open conversation.
4. Admit to yourself and a close support member that you are ineffective in controlling and managing your diet in healthy and productive ways.
5. Be open to obtaining spiritual guidance from your personal Savior and seek instruction beyond yourself.
While I believe there are some things from the standard 12 step program that could be applied to an eating disorder; I am certain that a dietary program that relies on steps will need revamping in order to truly work.
It is time to become fearless and transparent. I must dig deep into the reasons and circumstances that got me where I am currently. I believe that reaching back into my past and putting together a clearer map of how I got where I am today will bring insight and release from the chains that bind me to my unhealthy eating.
In every life situation there are defining moments that change us and our way of doing things.
There are paths known and unknown that got me here and those things must be discovered and addressed before real change can occur. With this in mind I turn to the next logical step:
6. Begin uncovering past observations and choices that led to the eating habits you have today and write them down.
As with anything I’ve done in this life, there’s always been some kind of order or instructions that were used to get me where I am today. These paths must be sought out in order to find answers and gain resolution going forward.
Developing a strategy is imperative and necessary & I hope that these steps will be helpful in assisting in your weight loss plan. I know they are helping me so far.